“One of the great gifts parents-in-law can give to their married children is to recognize early that they must help define and protect the boundary of this new couple.”
My husband and I had our first
argument just two months after we were married.
It was the Saturday before
Easter Sunday and I wanted to go to
the mountains and have a picnic. This is
something that my family had always done for Easter. However, it was also the playoffs for NBA
Basketball and my husband always watched the games. I remember getting mad, walking out the front
door and walking the 2 miles to my parents’ home to tell my parents that my
husband would not take me to the mountains.
My dad told me that I needed to go back home and watch the game with my
husband. I have always appreciated my parents for the example they have set
for me as in-laws. When I told them
after a year of marriage that we were moving from my hometown of Orem, Utah to
Las Vegas, Nevada, my mother could have died. Las Vegas, for one, was the worst
place for anyone to move to, in her mind, but she said nothing except, “Where
are you going to shop?’ She had only
been to Las Vegas once on her way to California, and all she knew was the
“strip.” But as hard as it
was to have me move away, I don’t think she ever said anything else about
it. She let me move away because I
belonged with my husband no matter where it took us. Even though I would feel
sad, my parents never let us feel bad about not being able to spend holidays
with them when we have had to be with my husband’s family. I was grateful for that,
as it made it easier for me to enjoy
time with my husband’s family. My dad and my husband are like best friends when
they get together and my mother really does like it when my husband teases her
even though she pretends to be mad. I am grateful for their example, as I have tried to follow that example now
that I am a mother-in-law.
I have four daughters who are all
married to men whom I could not have hand-picked better myself. I
have tried to follow the example of my parents in being the mother-in-law that
my children would be proud of. Two of my children who live in the same city as
me, have in-laws here too. So they have
to split their time between us.
Fortunately, we are all really good friends. They all married into exceptional families
who we are blessed to love as much as they do. Sometimes we even have family
parties, and have even gone on vacations together. Although, I have to admit,
there was some rivalry between one grandma and me when the first baby in both
families was born. My sons-in-law love to tease me and laugh at me, but that’s
okay. I
got them real good one April Fool’s day and they have a newfound respect
for me.
So the point is, is that I am
grateful for the example my parents taught me on how to be an in-law and that I
was able to raise four independent daughters who would marry wonderful men and
learn to live with them as a couple and create their own families.
“Parents who are secure in their relationships with their children understand that married children can be emotionally close without always having to be present.”I am grateful that I am close with my children and that they love to spend time with their parents and that we are able to be together often. I am thankful for the knowledge I have of Heavenly Father’s plan of families. He planned for man and woman to marry, have children and for those children to have children and for those children to have children and so on. What a wonderful plan. Families can be together forever in His plan. We must build good relationships in our families on both sides so that we can enjoy eternity together.
Harper, J.M. and Olsen, S. F.,
Chapter 37, pgs., 327-33 Creating Healthy
Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families.
Helping and Healing Our
Families: (2005) Deseret Book Company
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